This was the year of shedding.
As I look back over 2019, this year has had it’s fair share of lessons is an understatement. Some of the hardest have come in the last few months of this year. I have wrote and rewrote this post numerous times, yet I cannot think how to put into words how this year made me feel. Shedding- the year of letting go of old-self, false-self, and learning to become who I am meant to be. At the beginning of the year I wrote about a Which Way Is Your Deck Chair Facing. At the time, I did not realize the post was catalyst of a year long reevaluation of everything happening in my life.
Shedding, letting go is not a peaceful release, but an intense confrontation.Brianna Wiest
The intense confrontation of letting go come with feeling scared, but not allowing fear to control the situations. By allowing fear to no longer be the driver of the car, I saw many situations for what they are, people for who they really are, and not allow those things to keep me stuck. Letting go of the safety of being perfect, keeping up appearances, shallow relationships, pleasing others, and evaluating my worth in their eyes.
This was a year of progress. Not finishing at the finishing line of the human rat race. Taking a step forward today, tomorrow, week, and month, stronger than before. The progress towards forgiveness, and starting to set myself free from the chains I keep binding myself with.
Shedding Old “Stuff”:
Maria Kondo taught us all the meaning of shedding and letting go of things no longer giving us joy or purpose. Beginning of this year like most people I watched and went on a major overhaul of all the old stuff I had accumulated over several years. Now in my thirties, it was time to take an evaluation of what a professional thirty year old wears to work, social events and everyday that is age appropriate. Little by little I got rid of my old wardrobe and started year long mission to rebuild into an adult wardrobe. Goodbye to the college, twenties work wardrobe, and hello to a more polish, confident wardrobe.
Shedding Half-ass Shallow Relationships:
Shedding friendships are the hardest to do and this year saying goodbye was hard. Looking back on some of the ones I let go of, it was apparent the relationship had taken it’s course and no longer progressing. I started being ruthless in ditching people who do not make an effort in maintaining a friendship and slowly phased them out of my life. In the process I gained new friends, strengthened the old ones as I shed the ones taking too much energy to maintain. I saw people who they really are, thus decided to detach.
Shedding Unrequited Love:
Letting go of unrequited love -a masochistic feeling about love and how it is suppose to be like. Shallowness of this as Matthew Hussey put it “what the f*ck is wrong with you?!” moment. When someone comes back into your life unexpectedly and brings out the long ago feelings buried deep, it really hurts when they do reject you again and you are now back in the friend zone. Does not make this person bad, since I have too take responsibility for my part in wanting something more than friendship. Shedding unrequited love is not easy, and moving on is the remedy as walking away from a situation that no longer serves my best interests. Saw the situation for what it is- needing to move on in life.
Shedding Old Career Hang Ups:
This year has been a roller coaster ride in the career department. Shedding old career objectives this year has been a wild ride. Finding my self-worth and acceptance has been hard to say the least. It seemed there was conflict as I grew into the person I wanted to be in my career. Shedding the notion of having perfection in everything I do and letting go of the harsh criticism of my inner voice when situations are uncomfortable. Most of the year I began to see situations what it is by shedding the scared feeling of hurting people’s feelings or egos and realized they go out of their way to hurt you’re. Success requires being okay with discomfort, but not to be sacred of the discomfort.
Shedding the Weight:
Shedding the weight of physical, mental, and spiritual weight of one’s life. For a long time I have been carrying other’s opinions around with me. Opinions of some people who no longer have a seat at the table in my life. Yet for some reason I have let their words still have an effect on me. Shedding relics from the past-weight, of my old self -the unhealthy self- letting go of the safety net of being perfect, keeping up appearances, pleasing people and evaluating my self worth through the eyes of people who do not bring anything constructive to my life is a breath of fresh air I have been needing. No longer am I allowing the devil the chance to keep whispering my my ear those nasty lies.
Our bodies are in a constant state of rebirth. Our skin reforms itself every month, cells, organs re-created ever decade.Unknown
This year I learned how to do this in mind, body, soul, and heart. Learned to burn, release, and let the old parts of myself die. But mostly I learned were my deck chair is pointed towards, the future. The future of becoming is 2020’s theme. Letting go of who I use to be for the last ten years, and becoming a better me in the next decade.
Check out Thought Catalog’s post 2019 Is The Year Of Shedding, 2020 Is The Year Of Becoming, by Brianna Wiest for more on this shedding theme.