Valentine’s Day Six Years Later|Forgiveness

I came across the first blog post I wrote for this blog (Life Must Moving On-2012) while cleaning up a few blog posts. Last year I celebrated six years with WordPress and little by little this blog post was pushed in a dark corner of my blog’s filing cabinet not seen daylight for five years. A dark place really for a post full of hurt and pain. Moving on from any relationship is hard, let alone a dark sinister one filled with violence. Dating violence, domestic violence, and any form of violence have a lasting impact on someone’s life for years. Sometimes it takes a long time to fully heal from the damage someone inflicts upon you.

In the past few years, I have started to tell bits and pieces of my story, a story when played out in spoken words has an impact I never expected. See some of us who have been through it really don’t talk about it, instead choose to move forward to what the future holds for us and one day when we have an unguarded moment, we talk. I find myself only talking when I am confronted with it from another person’s life story I either read, heard or saw first hand. All the while keeping from deflecting my experiences on to the other person. It takes a lot of strength to not fall apart when helping a fellow person who is going through abuse. This strength could only come from forgiveness of my own experience.

It does take a lot to forgive someone who has done an unspeakable thing to you. Especially when they have moved on with their lives knowing well what they had done. Yet, in order for anyone to move on, you do have to forgive the person, not say it never happened, but more for yourself to move on into the future you want for yourself. By allowing forgiveness to lead you to the person(s) who would never dream of hurting you like the other person did, you start the process of healing fully.

For me, it took a long road to fully heal and to finally say I forgive them fully. It took a trip to Tanzania with Northwest University/Convoy of Hope, two positions in biotech, going back to school to finish what I started before them, finding the real true friends and family who would walk every painful step towards healing. In six years I have rebuilt my life, what it took one person to destroy in two years. In those six years, Jesus and many people along the road came through many times to get me to where I am today. Most of all to the men I dated after who even when the relationship did not work out, taught me love does not destroy another person but strengthens them to a better person than before.

Never again will I justify the scars just because I loved the person holding the knife. - Steve Maraboli

Valentine’s day is about love, but for some, the day is about love through forgiveness of one’s self and forgiveness for another person’s false love. To me, Valentine’s day is about freeing myself from abuse disguising as love, and the ultimate act of love, forgiveness.

I have said this countless time to people before,

I was a victim, then a survivor, now I am thriving!

I no longer am a victim to the pain of someone’s actions long ago anymore!

February Update

Those who have been following for a while would know February is the one month where I go into survival mode. One month out of the whole year I don’t look forward to. I err on the side of being cautious when entering into the month. Things do go bad-very bad- within a span of 28 days. I can say nothing major happened this time-thank God!

With that said here is what happened while I was offline in the month of February.Look at this #zulilyfind! Brooks Capri & Celestial Ravenna 6 Running Shoe - Women by Brooks #zulilyfinds size 10: I started my intense training for Rock n’ Roll half marathon I will be participating in June. I am look forward to accomplishing this goal of running a half marathon and doing it for a good cause (Saint Jude Children’s Hospital). Now since I bought my first Brooks Running shoes on clearance at DSW, I will have to make good on this promise to myself! I never knew a pair of running shoes would be a major motivator to run this race. Come June I will be “Run Happy” as the Brooks’ running campaign slogan says. So far I have kept my 5k and 10k pace, so I will just need to work on keeping them at a longer distance.

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A friend got engaged to a man she met online two months ago in the beginning of February, and for the rest of the month I have been trying to figure out how I feel about this surprise. So far I feel as if I am not a great friend when I smile and act as I’m happy for her engagement when I really am not. I feel this may come across as jealous, but that is far from the truth.  I just see a huge red flag called committing to early before really knowing the person, red flag. I guess some people just know this is the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with very early on in a relationship. I hope this works out in the end.

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I finished another book called, Loveology by John Nark Comer. The book talks about what God’s plan for love, relationships and marriage. One tidbit I pulled from this book was the four marks of a relationship that leads to marriage.
The Chase: Man’s job is to pursue, and draw out the women into a relationship. But it is a two way street where both take risks to build a relationship. A disheartening trait of a man is considered cowardice in the Scriptures.
The Line: Don’t wake up the sexual part of the relationship until the relationship can be followed all the way through. Right time will happen.
The Friends: Speak good things about them to others, and the couple is never alone because they have support from friends as well as family. Going Somewhere: No rush, no hurry, but a relationship that is continuing to grow through the relationship.

Books Running Shoe Ravenna 6

 

I will be continuing to train for the half marathon in the next three months. Looking at my calendar for March, it looks as a busy month of events. Stay tune to find out!